A Bit Of My Heart

Well my friends, tomorrow is the last day of the school year for us! Cam will take his last final tomorrow morning, then he will officially be a second year. Hooray! These last 6 weeks have been killer, but we see the light! I'm ready to have my husband back for a bit:) 

I apologize for the very long break in posting on here. You see, I kind of got to this place where I didn't have much to say, I felt like I wasn't doing much with my life, and didn't care for the entire internet world to know. 

But I want to catch up because I'm excited for summer with Cam and the fun adventures we're going to have over the next month. I have had many and multiple drafts of this post, but I think I finally organized all my thoughts how I want them this time. You see, it's been a very growing year for the both of us. It's been tough and rough, but all the while I've endured, sometimes with a better attitude than other times. I wanted to share a few of the lessons I've learned over the past little while, whether by choice or not, and hopefully this will make up for the absence of my writing.

1- Base Hits

So.. I kind of lost myself a bit this year.
Over the course of a few months I slowly let the adversary in, and didn't even realize it until it was staring me in the face. There were too many tears and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. I got to a point where I started doubting my strengths because my greatest weaknesses were being exposed, and I had no outlet for what I considered my strengths to be. I was called to serve in a church calling that is quite far out of my comfort zone. Work turned out to be different than I had imagined. I ended up quitting my job, then kind of lost all motivation and determination for anything. Satan crept in slowly like smoke, and it's taken a lot of conscious effort to force him to leave. Part of me wishes I could rewind and try again with the mindset I now have. However, it is always better to look forward and meet life head on. So while I feel like I lost myself for a bit there, I've spent the past little while trying to find myself again and figure out who I am now with each of these experiences and more.

I know exactly who I want to be. That's not the issue. For me, I've known what I've wanted for a very long time. My problem was, I wasn't sure just how to get there. Especially now in a new place, with new people, and my timid shy personality.

There was a night a few months ago, where Cam and I had a conversation that was kind of a turning point for me. Cam sat me down at the kitchen table after dinner, and we had a chat about baseball. We are after all, in the home of the Royals.

We're the best of friends who knows the other's hopes and dreams, so my husband and I give each other daily pep talks. He explained things like this: A baseball team can't rely solely on home runs to win the game. Mostly because they are very rare. Instead, the team works together to get on base- 1 base hit at a time. You build up enough base hits, you get a guy home. This is a more reliable way to win the game.

Now, I never had too many sports analogies growing up - nobody in my house really stuck with sports. We were artsy folk - dancers, musicians. But I did understand this one.

He went on to explain: We need to figure out some base hits you can swing for that will help you achieve your winning score. It's better to swing for a base and win the opportunity, then to swing so hard every time for a home run - because those are very rare.

So that day I started to look at my plans and myself a bit differently. I came up with a list of base hits for every dream I have - and I have a lot. I needed to stay busy enough to keep Satan out of my head, and accomplish enough to feel like I'm really contributing to society, the Lord, and my dreams. I made a schedule for myself of everything I need to accomplish each day in order to keep moving forward. And slowly but surely, every day I'm now working towards base hits. I don't give myself a lot of downtime anymore, and have kept my netflix watching to a bare minimum :) And while I haven't won any specific game yet, I'm a lot happier. I have tiny successes that I'm proud of instead of constantly looking at the home run wishing that could be me.

Lest you think the solution to my problems was just about making a schedule and a baseball pep talk, I also needed the Lord. He is so patient with me. I make the same mistake over and over again of thinking I can handle this mortal life by myself. Well newsflash, I can't. We are a team, and I will never make it without Him. If you've ever heard me testify that it's the little things we do every day that make a big difference in the end, know that this knowledge comes from the deepest parts of my soul. I know for myself that scriptures, prayer, regular temple attendance, tithing, fasting, fast offerings, and fulfilling our callings are what will truly save us every day. I've learned this so many times over the years. With all of this, I am reminded of this great counsel given by such a humble servant: "The adversary succeeds when we relax our commitment to the Savior" - Elder L. Tom Perry. How true this is.

So it's taken a while. Change really did a number on my thoughts this past year, but I'm still me. Passionate, sincere, and wanting to change the world one song at a time, me.

If that wasn't all enough for your Rebecca dose today, I did learn some other lessons this year :) Here's just two more that are fun:

2- Humidity.
The humidity can do crazy things with naturally curly hair. But I am proud to say I have mastered my hair out here. I have learned to work WITH the humidity as straightening my hair is a lost cause. So curls all around!

3- Family is more than blood
When we moved here last year we had no idea what kind of social situations were waiting for us. All we prayed for was that we would be able to find good friends. Well, our prayers have been answered tenfold. We are part of the most incredible ward I've ever been in; and somehow the Lord knew that we needed that. In addition, Cam has wonderful friends at school that are a huge support to each other, and I'm so grateful for the support system that is built in to this med school adventure. We have discovered family here. It's the people who help you eat your birthday cake, the people you celebrate holidays with, the people you have scary adventures with, the people who you talk for hours with, the ones who serve you, the ones who let you serve them, the ones you cry and laugh with, and the ones who pick you up from the airport at midnight. Most importantly though, it's the people who are there for you when your blood family is too many miles and hours away. 

It's been a crazy year, but Heavenly Father is so good to us. He knows our hearts, and He is taking care of us. Whether we like it or not, change is inevitable. What we can control however, is how we react, and who we turn to when it's tough. I'm grateful I have the greatest friends and family a girl could hope for, both here in Missouri and back in Utah. Here's to the little things that make a huge impact, and happy summer 2015!!